124: Modular Financial Planning 02: Defining What is Truly Worth Seeking

[00:00:00] Intro: Do you think money takes up more life space than it should? On this show, we discuss with and share stories from artists, authors, entrepreneurs, and advisors about how they mindfully minimize the time and energies. Spent thinking about money. Join your host, Jonathan DeYoe, and learn how to put money in its place and get more out of life.

[00:00:33] Jonathan DeYoe: Hey there. Welcome back to Mindful Money. We’re just beginning our slow review of the Mindful Money Modular Financial Planning Process, and today I’m gonna introduce the very first step in financial planning, and I promise it’s not what you think. Before we began. I googled the first step in financial planning and I found pretty much what I expected to find.

It’s always either something like, understand your current financial situation or establish clear short and long-term goals. so that’s [00:01:00] how everyone else treats financial planning. But by the end of this episode, you’re gonna know that this is not where financial planning begins. When I was about nine or 10 years old, my dad pulled me aside and started talking to me about my life timeline.

It was kind of pretty sketchy in the early years, but he said things like, you know, you’re probably gonna go to college someday. it’s important that you study something that interests you and you’re gonna pick a career, or vocation that will consume in enormous parts of your life. So it’s important that, you choose the career wisely.

And you said things like. Probably at some point you’re gonna get married. He didn’t say I was gonna do it twice, but I did. and at some point you’ll have kids and he added, you’re always gonna be aging and learning lessons. What he was doing here was introducing from his perspective, the concept of what in life is worth seeking.

And I’m glad he did it. ’cause today, or really at any time in the recent past, you can turn on the TV or scroll through your favorite social media [00:02:00] feed and you’re gonna find yourself bombarded with stories and advertisements of the latest things that you just have to buy trips. You just have to take beliefs.

You just have to adopt all the smiling faces of celebrities and even your friends showing off the newest gadget or investment trends they feed this illusion that earning money to accumulate things is the path to a successful and meaningful life. But if you look hard enough, you could also find stories that tell, a contrasting and I think a more enduring narrative.

There’s the anonymous donor paying for kids’ school lunches. there’s a former couch potato that becomes a marathoner. There’s the Wall Street banker who follows her passion and opens a restaurant. And the 75-year-old retiree who starts a school for promising young pastry chefs. When you think about it, these are the stories that motivate and inspire, and your story can do the same.

But first, you have to know your heart. You’ve got to define what is worth seeking for you. Life’s substance and [00:03:00] meaning arise from who we are and what we do, not what we have or can earn. Does working longer hours by a sports car create enduring happiness for most people, no. The one who dies with the most or the best toys isn’t necessarily the winner and doesn’t have the greatest wellbeing, and probably isn’t automatically the happiest.

In her book, the Top Five Regrets of the Dying Australian Palliative Nurse Bronnie Ware asked patients what, if anything, they regretted or wish they had done differently. The most common regret was the wish to have had the courage to live a life true to themselves, not the life others expected of them.

And this was followed very closely by, I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

Before my brother’s death in 2021. This is the road I was on. In fact, I’m probably still at least partially on this road. My default activity was and is work. I normally work 50, 60 hour work weeks and then when my wife and kids are busy, I would put in some more work. [00:04:00] When I had a minute I look to complete a work-related task and now that we’re all working from home and have been for years, it’s easy to find those moments when you.

Shouldn’t work, but it’s easy to go downstairs to my office and, and get a little something done. Now, I’m lucky in that I love my work in all of its aspects, but I still probably give it too much of me. It’s a difficult habit to break, but I continue trying. of course no one wants to worry about money, which is why we work, but.

People are working hard, usually regrettably hard. If we go back to that palliative nurse and then spending their money on things that don’t fulfill them deeply and they are still worrying about money, it’s too easy to miss the transition. Like if we don’t point it at, point it out. If you know what’s worth seeking for you, then you will need less money.

You’ll get much greater return on your investment if you spend money on that, which fuels your own unique idea of happiness rather than some generic version, that you [00:05:00] find out in the marketplace. This requires self-discovery and introspection to come before money or work. Sure, the road to financial success involves saving, budgeting, investing in a 401k, you know, building emergency fund and maximizing your earning potential.

But it starts with what matters most to you because. You get to choose what success means. The good news is that anyone can discover these things. plan to cultivate them can be created by anyone who’s interested. Regardless of educational attainment or current financial situation, wellbeing and happiness appear to be closely correlated to simple factors like health, optimism, meaningful relationships, and generosity.

In my first book, mindful Money Simple Practices for Reaching Your Financial Goals and Increasing Your Happiness Dividend. I wrote about eight essential elements that add real and lasting happiness values to our lives. Why is this important? If you base financial decisions on the pillars [00:06:00] that support your unique version of happiness, it’ll help you create the kind of life that is fulfilling and satisfying to you.

Specifically. This has to be your starting place. So the eight pillars of happiness are first health. Your health is a good place to start for many reasons, not least of which is the simple fact that if you’re physically and mentally healthy, you’ll feel happier and be more productive. Health can provide tangible financial benefits too, even our health dictates how effectively we can work.

Which influences how much we can earn, which impacts our sense of security, which affects how happy we are. According to, a study by Celio de Cost of Cleveland State University workers who exercise at least three hours a week earn on average of 9% more than workers who don’t. A healthy lifestyle increases our potential income and reduces our medical costs, leaving us more money to spend on what matters most.

It eliminates the need to buy pricey constellation prizes to compensate [00:07:00] for the general malaise we experience when we don’t feel good. Best of all, you don’t have to pay excessive expenses or have access to some exclusive workout plan to tap into health’s many benefits. It’s something you can start working on today, this minute.

Go for a jog, take a few minutes to meditate. Good health is its own reward and it’s free to anyone willing to put in a little sweat. Equity number two, engagement. Happiness Study after happiness study reveals that the happiest and healthiest people are those who are actively engaged in the world. They continually seek new experiences and strive to learn new things.

By comparison, there appears to be little evidence indicating that owning a lot of stuff or pursuing wealth or fame contributes much at all to long-term happiness or personal wellbeing. Most of us are trading our time and energy for money. Wouldn’t you want that exchange to be as worthwhile as possible?

You can give up less time and gain more satisfaction by concentrating on acquiring new and improved experiences rather than working extra hours to [00:08:00] bankroll your next big purchase or pay for your last one credit being what it is. You can incorporate this behavior into your own life by mindfully shifting your focus from accumulating possessions or prestige to gaining meaningful life experiences and allocating your dollars accordingly.

Third relationships. It seems unnecessary to mention at this point that meaningful relationships are vital to a happy life, but it’s worth mentioning just how powerful they are.

A 2010 paper by Denver, Emerson and Jennifer Kas Montez. References numerous studies as kind of a meta study, showing that those who make time for others and maintain close ties to friends and family report fewer illnesses, less depression, greater happiness, and longer lifespans than those who don’t.

In my own life, the recent pandemic and the loss of my brother really brought the necessity of multiple deep relationships to the fore During the pandemic, my live in-person connections declined. Admittedly, this isn’t a [00:09:00] unique statement. they declined to my immediate family and my brother’s family, who luckily happened to live close by and when he died, one of the things that hurt the most was that I didn’t just lose my brother.

I also lost my last remaining friend. I’ve been. Doing my best to sort of build or rebuild friendships of old and cultivate new friends. Since then, as we age, we will all lose people. If you’re lucky enough to live a long and healthy life, you’re bound to lose a lot of close friends.

I. As that happens, you’ll absolutely rely on the existence of other close friends.

If you needed additional encouragement to put your health before every other life goal, realize that declining health plays a huge part in your ability to maintain friendships as we age, we, along with everyone else around us, experience physical and mental challenges that make socializing ever more difficult.

In 2017, Aspen ideas painted a portrait of loneliness that looked a little bit like this. Loneliness is the 81-year-old woman who [00:10:00] celebrated her birthday alone after speaking with no one for more than a week. Before that, it is the woman who turned down a telehealth service that would’ve provided a virtual house call with a physician because the doctor’s monthly home visit was her only human contact.

That’s lonely.

You can nurture the power of relationships in simple, yet highly effective ways. Call your mom. Call a friend. Ask your barista how his, or her day is going. Give a coworker a handwritten thank you card after finishing a big project. Take someone to lunch. Try a new group activity. Go to a yoga class, join a hiking group.

Take a live cooking class. This knowledge should have vast implications for how you choose to spend your money. If you want to be happy, you must earn, save and plan to utilize your money in ways that will increase, not reduce your togetherness with those you care about. Number four, meaning.

Meaning supercharges our joy when life is good and keeps [00:11:00] us moving forward.

When life is painful or difficult for many family is the foundation that gives existence it’s meaning for others. Meaning comes from engaging endeavors like art or working to make the world a better place no matter how we define it or where we find it. Meaning is essential to a satisfying life. This new version of mindful money focused on.

Free content and accessible advice for early career mindfulness, curious and wellbeing oriented couples and families is my own mid-career pivot towards meaning. I hope I can retain your interest and request your help while we make this financial education more broadly available. One of the fundamental tenets of financial planning is to put your money where your meaning is.

In other words, your money should serve what you consider most important. How.

Align your financial decisions with your values. You become a steward of money, not just a user. Fortunately, making a difference with your money is easier than ever before. For example, you can invest with environmental, social, and governance, or what’s [00:12:00] known as socially responsible investing.

And these investment options allow you to support ethical businesses. You can build a better future for yourself and your family and the world at the same time.

Number five, accountability. We all know what it feels like when someone lets us down, so why let yourself down by establishing what you care about most?

You recognize that your happiness is important to you. Now it’s up to you to follow through. Accountability may sound like more of a chore than a value worth seeking. But the only reliable way for us to realize our heart’s desire is through our personal actions. So accountability is a prime mover of happiness.

Before our reality can live up to its potential, we must identify the values and desires that are most important to us and translate them into specific. Goals and behaviors, then we must practice those behaviors consistently over time and through adversity, committing all the resources at our disposal to fulfilling our deepest desires in advancing these [00:13:00] values.

Every action of accountability makes a deposit into your happiness account and compounds our lifetime benefits. I wanna help, but more importantly, I believe that if you’re pursuing the life that lights you up, the universe will align itself to bring you all the help you need. You’ve got this. Number six, generosity.

From religious figures to business leaders. The most admired people in history have emphasized generosity as an essential ingredient of true happiness. Consider 600 Americans surveyed as part of a 2008 paper, aptly titled, spending Money on Others Promotes Happiness. The happiness levels of those surveyed did not appear to be affected by how much income they earned or how much they spent on themselves.

Instead, the single greatest predictor of increased happiness was the amount of money subject spent on others. You don’t have to be Bill Gates to exercise generosity, not only your wealth, but your knowledge and talent can be part of your legacy, and you don’t have to wait to start building that legacy by saving generously for your own future.[00:14:00]

Now you’ll enable yourself to be far more generous towards others at the end of your life. So we operate under an illusion of independence. The more we become aware of how interdependent we all are, the less we feel the need to always focus on ourselves. When we let down our guard become more open to the joy and suffering of our neighbors, we soften, we become more approachable.

How can this not boost the other happiness categories of meaning, relationships, and engagement. People want to help people. I. People also want to associate with people who help people. One of the greatest ways to build friendships is to work together on a generous goal. One of my favorite quotes is from, Marian Williamson, and she says, I.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be? Brilliant, gorgeous, talented, [00:15:00] fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We’re all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us. It’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

The greatest generosity you can offer is to do the discovery work and to know your true self. Once known, share that self sincerely with the world. Don’t be afraid of going first. As you let your light shine, you give others permission to do the same. Since it happens to be the most evolved way for us to behave as a species, generosity should be an integral part of our lives and our financial plans.

Number seven, optimism. So another common thread among most of the happiness studies [00:16:00] is that the happiest people share this one trait, unabashed optimism. Those who believe in a positive future for the world create that very future by acting in accordance with the belief. Know that the media you consumed has a negativity bias, as they say in the biz.

If it bleeds, it leads, or, bad news is good copy. You’ve gotta push back against becoming enthralled by the negativity while the bad stuff is served up on a silver platter. For easy consumption, you’ve gotta seek out the good stuff, but never, ever doubt that it is there. In today’s social media connected world, you’ve got to be extremely careful of the narratives that can become overwhelming if you let down guard and succumb to all the horrible imaginations of the punditry.

Remember Mark Twain, he said something like, I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened. You don’t have to be naturally optimistic for financial planning to enhance your life. Watching your assets grow over time to support your future can have a hugely positive effect on your thinking.

[00:17:00] Positivity reinforces your desire to save more and waste less, which in turn accelerates the growth of your money, which enables your relationships and generosity, and in turn, generates even more optimism. The cycle of authentic optimism once you’re on it is endless. Number eight, gratitude. We often get lost in what we need to acquire, and by doing so, we forget to stop and express gratitude for what we already have.

So take a moment to reflect on your past self and think about how grateful you would have felt then to be where you are now. Doesn’t your life seem better than you thought? This practice essentially changes your mindset from the default of envy to one of gratitude. Gratitude is perhaps the most powerful of the eight pillars of happiness.

A 2003 study by Robert Emmonds and Michael McCullough found that habitual gratitude leads to happier. More cheerful outlooks on life while giving a rise to better sleep patterns, improve [00:18:00] mental health, reducing, aches and pains, reducing stress, improving job performance and continuously increased optimism.

Gratitude can enhance the financial planning process by acting as a filter, determining what to include in your plan and what not to. One of the first steps of planning is to think deeply about what you’re most grateful for. In your life, like family, friends, your home, your health, the environment, and so on.

Those are the things you should seek to protect and support with your money choices. These are the eight pillars of happiness.

These are the things that are worth seeking, and they should be known and understood before you even start financial planning. You don’t need to put pen to paper about goals or about financial status if you don’t know what’s worth pursuing.

Before you climb the ladder, you’ve gotta make sure it’s leaning on the right wall.

So thank you for joining me today as we take this first step on your modular financial planning journey. If you haven’t already done this, even if you’re [00:19:00] well along your financial path, come back and do this.

It’s gonna make your life a lot better going forward, and it’s the only way to be sure that you’re pursuing what will bring you secure and lasting happiness.

Next time we’re gonna develop your vision of a perfect life. The illusion that’s marketed to us from childhood to old age is that happiness derives from constantly getting bigger and better stuff, greater prestige, more followers and likes.

Ultimately, the obsession with more only brings us more stress and less appreciation. I. If you don’t know what enough looks like, you will always want more. If you’re always looking for more, you’ll never feel like you have enough. Most of us would benefit from more time, not stuff, fame, money, or followers.

We need time for self-discovery, time to enjoy the things we already own. Time to spend with loved ones. Time to read a book or take a walk in the woods. Time brings peace, reflection, contentment, and sustainable happiness. As you untangle your [00:20:00] illusions about money from your ideas about happiness, you’re invited to build your vision of a life well lived.

This vision is the starting point of the only version of a financial plan that’s worth pursuing. Any other starting point will be wholly unsatisfying. Thanks for listening. I look forward to helping you develop your vision of the perfect life in the next episode.

[00:20:17] Outro: Thanks for listening. Full show notes for each episode, which includes a summary, key takeaways, quotes, and any resources mentioned are available at Mindful Money. Be sure to follow and subscribe wherever you listen to your favorite podcast. And if you’re enjoying the content and getting value from these episodes, please leave us a rating and review ratethispodcast.com/mindfulmoney. We’ll be sure to read those out on future episodes.